weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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