Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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