No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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