I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
