yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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