I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
