What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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