Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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