Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
