Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
