4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize