Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
you never un-have a 4some
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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