just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
