Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
