Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
