Someone shit on the floor
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
