Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
