your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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