it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
