think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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