Just cropdusted the office
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Randomize
