I'm really into asian looking animals
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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