he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
