Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
