I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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