spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
