he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
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Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
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Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
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