He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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