its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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