fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
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I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
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And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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