Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
one might say we're banned from that church
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
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