Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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