Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
