I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
