Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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