the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
