Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
