I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
