We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I just gargled with NyQuil
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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