i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Randomize
