You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
