Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize