i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
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