so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
