Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
