he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
