your thong is hanging out like whoa
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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