@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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