What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
