yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
