Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
i out mim tonsoeep
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
