the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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