Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
