He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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