I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
