Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
