i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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