Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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