I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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