Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
