Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
