I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
