I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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