You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
