They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
