Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
