Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize
