1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
