I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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