wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
