your thong is hanging out like whoa
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
