Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
