I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
