first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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